Raising Truth Tellers
Hello Families! Welcome to my Parenting V-blog! I’m Victoria, a master of marriage & family counselor out in Brentwood, Tn. I specialize in working with kids & teens, parents, and women.
Today's topic is about Raising Truth Tellers.
I am providing five reasons why kids & teens lie and five tips on how to increase truth-telling.
Remember this video is for educational purposes only and does not replace therapy.
Ok Lying. I hate it; you hate it, we all hate it. It’s so frustrating when our kids lie, and it’s a huge time waster. We want them to tell the truth, and we are tired of telling the story of the boy who cried wolf. One of the best things to help us parent foster patience and understanding is to stop and think about the why behind the behavior. Then we can teach and guide our children on how to get their needs met healthily.
Let’s get to it.
Why Children or Teens Lie:
They discovered the idea of lying and are testing things out to see what happens
To increase self-esteem or get approval
To shy away from attention
Speaking before thinking
Avoiding getting in trouble or doing the thing they don’t want to do
Tips on Helping Raise Truth-Tellers:
Allow them to pause and help them pause before telling you what happened
“I want to know what happened to the broken flower pot. Before you speak, take a minute to breathe and think about what happened. Take your time.”
Experiment with using either of the following: Letting them have a do-over or proving a lesser consequence or no consequence to reduce the anxiety of getting in trouble or disappointing others.
“Your story doesn’t make sense; I’m going to give you another chance to tell me what happen without getting a consequence.”
Provided them a truth-telling pep talk: reminding them you don't expect perfection, you love them no matter what, everyone makes mistakes, they are not bad kids just because they made a wrong choice, and their behavior is not who they are. Often this will provide the encouragement they need to have the courage.
“I’m going to ask you a question, and you might be telling me something I probably won't like hearing. But I want you to know that I love you no matter what; no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, and a bad choice doesn’t make you bad. So take your time and give me an honest answer.”
Don’t cause a scene; pull your child to a private area because taking away the audience will reduce the pressure to please peers or save face in front of others.
Avoid labeling your children as lairs, shaming them, or humiliating them.